Got an opinion about Toxic Exes? (Your Ex or His Ex)Enter it in the Guestbook!
"He's a Real Survivor - or Is He?"
Here's the type of man to avoid at ALL costs, my friends - the man who wants you to "take care of him" in all the wrong
ways. This reader is well rid of this unsavory character:
Dear Mimi,
I was 
rereading some of your old emails and came across this one. I had a boyfriend that stayed "friends" with all of his exes.
We ran into some trouble and had to move out of our apartment. Guess where he went to stay because it was the only place?
His ex's apartment.
He left me and the kids on the street, figuring we could get help from the county or whatever. He swore he was sleeping
on the couch and that they were just friends and she was "helping" him out. Turns out he had been having intimate relations
with her off and on for MONTHS. So I guess all was not as it seemed. He still to this day swears he loves me, but can never
do anything to leave her house.
Since all this, I have moved out of state with my kids to be near my parents. He calls off and on and swears his love and
that there is nothing going on, but I can't take it anymore.
One day, he tells me he is moving here as soon as he can, and the next day, he has no time for me. There are a lot more
subtleties to this story, but that's the gist. For me, NEVER EVER again will I trust a close friendship between a woman and
a man I am with.
I LOVE your emails and look forward to them daily. I find something I can use in them
almost every day.
Your faithful reader,
R.
Thank you very much, R.! You bring up a very interesting topic. What's with this man - not only is he going to lie and
be wishy-washy, but he has to also insult your intelligence - now THAT is the unforgivable sin here!
Does he think for one moment that you could believe that there is nothing going on when he's been living with his "ex"
for who knows how long?
I'm so glad you got away from that situation - that was the smartest move you could make. When he bailed on you the first
time, that was all the info you will ever need on this male specimen, sweetie. And it sounds like getting your children away
from a man like this was imperative.
You mention that this man stayed "friends with all his exes" - and he seems to be doing the same thing with you.
Now in most cases, the ability to stay friends with your exes is laudable. It's a fantastic sign. But not in THIS case.
And here's why:
This man is a "survivor" - he wants to keep the lines of communication open with his past girlfriends so he has somewhere
to land the next time he gets evicted, be it from a relationship or an apartment.
Men like this have some charm (that's also part of being a survivor), BUT they are NOT someone you can ever count on. They
are looking for someone to get them through life - a SugarMama who pays the bills; someone who makes their life a LOT easier.
A
guy like this can work, or not work, or get fired... and someone will still make sure he has a roof over his head. ("Thanks,
MOM!")
That's what it sounded like from your email, anyway... he departed your relationship when you were not able to "take care"
of him in that way, and went straight to a lady who still would... and probably the days he calls to say that he's coming
back to you are the days that this lady has become fed up with him too! His middle name is "unstable."
It's one thing when people go into a marriage with the understanding that one person stays home and takes care of the children.
It's another thing when you're dealing with an unmotivated person whose main goal in life is to get on Easy Street with no
effort of any kind (other than the effort it takes to buy a Lottery ticket).
Women want strong men who have goals and are full of life. Take another look at one of those nice, stable guys today. Such
men are not easy to find: solid gold men who are responsible and hard-working and kind. These men will stand the test of time
and troubles. They are the true gems!
With love,
Mimi Tanner
Author of Calling Men - the Complete Guide to Calling and
Emailing the Man You Are Dating
Got an opinion about toxic exes? Enter it in the Guestbook!
"The Toxic Ex - It can be Your Ex - or HIS Ex"
