"The Toxic New Wife" His New Wife or Girlfriend... Can You Afford To Be Friends With Her?    The Toxic NEW WIFE - Check This Out This week I wrote about how to handle the "ex" of your guy, but... what about when YOU are the ex??  Well, you probably ARE an "ex" of someone...  and maybe it's HIS NEW WIFE or new girlfriend who has been the toxic one!  This is what I've been hearing from many people... "Melisa" shared this story in the guestbook: "Here is a story to share and to warn readers to beware. Sometimes it's not the ex who is toxic. [It's the NEW WIFE.} "My ex-husband was becoming serious in his (after our divorce) relationship. One day his girlfriend phoned me to say since she and my ex were discussing marriage, she thought I would like to meet with her over coffee and get to know who my children would be spending a lot of their time with, when they were with their dad. "We had joint custody I was overjoyed that my ex had become involved with such a good and caring woman. "Well, we met for coffee and as time went on, we became very close friends. I had recently lost my father to suicide and this woman was so supportive and nurturing to me. Mimi, I honestly loved her like a sister. "Well, about a month after they were married, my husband and my dear friend filed for full custody of my children. They used every bit of confidential information I shared with her!! "My daughter did sneak and phone me and I went to the school and ate lunch with her everyday (just wanted you to know I am no wimp) but I did not force the issue too hard because I felt my girls just could take no more. "I waited, went to court, and won full custody. I do not like my ex's new wife, but I do allow my daughter to visit and I do not speak negatively about them for the sake of my girls - they need to have a good relationship with their dad so they do not end up married to someone like him, you know. "Anyway, this letter is meant to warn everyone to be very careful when you trust someone. When you turn your back on them, make sure there are no knives within their reach!! Savvy? Thanks for all you do." -- Melisa This story is heart-wrenching. But I'm very happy that Melisa prevailed and got full custody of her children - Yeah! Imagine the legal costs she must have incurred, though.  This is another reason why it's so important to marry one of the Good Guys, too - some men are just not capable of stabbing in the back the woman who has borne their children. Plain and simple. I know it's not always easy to tell who's who. And some men can get INFLUENCED by a toxic NEW WIFE to do things they might not otherwise do (disgusting, I know). When it comes to the kids, we women do what it takes to be the Mother Cub and heaven help anyone who gets in our way... Kids grow up so fast; people need to behave and put the kids first instead of acting like morons. Please share your comments or stories in the guestbook about the toxic New Girlfriend / New Wife. Sign up for my daily emails to read more interesting stories and tips for women on understanding and attracting men - at www.manmistakeeraser.com Got an opinion about Toxic Exes? (Your Ex or His Ex) Enter it in the Guestbook! Dealing With His Ex Millions of women have to deal with "his ex" - or they ARE an "ex" - or both (oh dear, THAT's rough). Here's what Mich wrote in the guestbook a couple of months ago: Last Christmas, my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend called to find out what he liked so she could buy him a small token as appreciation. She did buy him a bottle of wine. However a few months later she called to ask me when I'd be home, because she had a bottle of wine her boyfriend gave her, and she wanted to bring it by so we could enjoy it. It so happened that she brought it when I asn't there. Then a while later, she did the same thing again with a cheesecake. I told both of them I'm not comfortable with her actions. She said it was of good faith. but now she sends her kids over to play when his kids are there.  While they're there, she goes and sits there at his house.  I'm not there, just her - her kids and his kids and him. Even after I talked to her, she has not stopped. And now she is also taking his daughter to her house. The other night I went to his house only to find her seated there playing with his son. The other kids were doing their own thing whilst he was outside working.. I was very uncomfortable. Please everyone, give me your honest opinion on this. I trust my boyfriend and he has said he doesn't like her in that way and that she has never shown any signs or said anything to him, he sees nothing wrong with the situation. She has said I'm just insecure. He said she is just being a friendly neighbour. Then yesterday my boyfriend finally told her that it's causing problems in our relationship, and so the kids can come to play, but she cannot come in the house.   Please help me..... --Mich Dear Mich, Thanks for this question. It's obvious that your boyfriend's ex has an agenda... and that is to get back together with him. She's truly been at this for a while, too.  I applaud you for paying attention to your uncomfortable feelings, and for discussing this with him and her. This is working already, since your boyfriend has finally made a change. There is only ONE program out there that I am aware of which specifically tells a woman how to deal with "His Ex" - and it's here: Ginie Sayles - Dealing with His EX Please add your comment on Exes to the guestbook!   "The Toxic Ex" It can be YOUR Ex - or HIS Ex        Previous Post     "He's a Real Survivor - or Is He?" Here's the type of man to avoid at ALL costs, my friends - the man who wants you to "take care of him" in all the wrong ways. This reader is well rid of this unsavory character: Dear Mimi,   I was rereading some of your old emails and came across this one. I had a boyfriend that stayed "friends" with all of his exes. We ran into some trouble and had to move out of our apartment. Guess where he went to stay because it was the only place? His ex's apartment. He left me and the kids on the street, figuring we could get help from the county or whatever. He swore he was sleeping on the couch and that they were just friends and she was "helping" him out.  Turns out he had been having intimate relations with her off and on for MONTHS. So I guess all was not as it seemed. He still to this day swears he loves me, but can never do anything to leave her house. Since all this, I have moved out of state with my kids to be near my parents. He calls off and on and swears his love and that there is nothing going on, but I can't take it anymore. One day, he tells me he is moving here as soon as he can, and the next day, he has no time for me. There are a lot more subtleties to this story, but that's the gist. For me, NEVER EVER again will I trust a close friendship between a woman and a man I am with.   I LOVE your emails and look forward to them daily.  I find something I can use in them almost every day.   Your faithful reader, R. Thank you very much, R.! You bring up a very interesting topic. What's with this man - not only is he going to lie and be wishy-washy, but he has to also insult your intelligence - now THAT is the unforgivable sin here! Does he think for one moment that you could believe that there is nothing going on when he's been living with his "ex" for who knows how long? I'm so glad you got away from that situation - that was the smartest move you could make. When he bailed on you the first time, that was all the info you will ever need on this male specimen, sweetie. And it sounds like getting your children away from a man like this was imperative. You mention that this man stayed "friends with all his exes" - and he seems to be doing the same thing with you. Now in most cases, the ability to stay friends with your exes is laudable. It's a fantastic sign. But not in THIS case.  And here's why: This man is a "survivor" - he wants to keep the lines of communication open with his past girlfriends so he has somewhere to land the next time he gets evicted, be it from a relationship or an apartment. Men like this have some charm (that's also part of being a survivor), BUT they are NOT someone you can ever count on. They are looking for someone to get them through life - a SugarMama who pays the bills; someone who makes their life a LOT easier.   A guy like this can work, or not work, or get fired... and someone will still make sure he has a roof over his head. ("Thanks, MOM!") That's what it sounded like from your email, anyway... he departed your relationship when you were not able to "take care" of him in that way, and went straight to a lady who still would... and probably the days he calls to say that he's coming back to you are the days that this lady has become fed up with him too! His middle name is "unstable." It's one thing when people go into a marriage with the understanding that one person stays home and takes care of the children. It's another thing when you're dealing with an unmotivated person whose main goal in life is to get on Easy Street with no effort of any kind (other than the effort it takes to buy a Lottery ticket). Women want strong men who have goals and are full of life. Take another look at one of those nice, stable guys today. Such men are not easy to find: solid gold men who are responsible and hard-working and kind. These men will stand the test of time and troubles. They are the true gems! With love, Mimi Tanner Author of Calling Men - the Complete Guide to Calling and Emailing the Man You Are Dating Got an opinion about toxic exes? Enter it in the Guestbook! "The Toxic Ex - It can be Your Ex - or HIS Ex"